Inthisfunny,casualtalkfromTEDx,writerJennaMcCarthysharessurprisingresearchonhowmarriages(especiallyhappymarriages)reallywork.Inmyopinion,marriageismorethanjustaringonyourfinger,it’sabondbetweentwopeoplethatshouldgrowovertimeandaddvaluetoyourlife.
IsmarriageindispensabletopersonsoftherightageAfterwatchingthespeech,myanswerisabsolutelyYES.Responsibilitiesalwayscomeswithrightsduringmarriageinwhich,Ithink,thebenefitplayadominantrole.Marriageisanintimateandenduringrelationshipthatgrowsovertimeandmakesyouabetterperson.Also,marriageislinkedtohealthandeconomicbenefits.Accordingtothevideo,marriedindividualstendtohavebetterphysicalhealth,psychologicalwell-being,andalowermortalityrisk.Financially,marriedmentendtoearnmore,andmarriedwomenarelesslikelytofallintopoverty.Marriageisalsolinkedtogreaterwealthaccumulation.
Marriageisthejoiningoftwopeopleinabondthatputativelylastsuntildeath,butinpracticeisincreasinglycutshortbydivorce.wemaywanderhowtomaintainahappymarriageThespeechgivensomeanswerstosomedegree.Fistofall,youshouldclearwhymarriagematterstoyouandwhyyouarewilingtospendtherestofyourlifemakingtherelationshipapriority.What’more,thecentralpointofthesuggestionsgivenbyJennaMcCarthy,eg.keepingyourselfmoreattractiveandthinnerthanyourhusband,focusingonthepositives/praise-worthymoments,ischerish,givingandrespect.Also,divorceiscontagiouscontagious.Sowehavetobeintentionaltoplaceourselvesinthecompanyofthosewhoarestrivingtomakemarriagebetter.
Buildingastrongandintimatemarriagestartsfromwithinyourself,andthenbecomesabondbetweenyouandyourpartnerthatlastsalifetime.Toconclude,Iagreehighlywiththespeaker’sviewpoint:whetheryou'reinitoryou'researchingforit,marriageisaninstitutionworthpursuingandprotecting.
Nowadays，whenacouplegetmarried,thefirsttheydoistogetenoughmoneytobuyahouse.InChina,itseemsthatmarriagemeanshavingahouse,itisreportedthatanewlymarriedcouplegotdivorcedbecausetheirparentsdidn’tfigureoutthelegalnameofthehouse.Doesmarriagemustpluswithhouse,Idon’tthinkso.
现在，当一对情侣结婚，他们第一件事就是凑够钱去买房子。在中国，婚姻似乎意味着房子，据报道，一对新婚夫妇离婚，原因在于他们的父母弄不清谁是房子的合法人。婚姻必须加上房子吗？我不这样认为。
Itiscommonthatwhenpeoplegetmarriedthattheymustendowwithahouse,itisbecausehousebringsthecouplethesenseofsecure.Havingahousemeanstheyaresettled,eventheyarefiredfromthework,theydon’thavetoworryaboutwheretolive.Peopleowntheirsenseofsecuretothehouse.Marriagebringssenseofsecure,too,sopeoplethinkahouseisamust.
当人们结婚，他们必须要有房子，这是很正常的，这因为房子给夫妇带来安全感。有房子意味着他们安定，即使工作上被开除，也不用担心住哪里。人们有他们的安全感归因于房子。婚姻也带来安全感，所以人们觉得房子是必须的。
Weseethetruethattodaypeopleendowthehousewithtoomuchemotion.Sometimetheyevenmarryforthehouse,thevalueoftrueloveisbeingdistorted,peoplenomoreputtheloveinthefirstplace,theyconsiderthehousethemostimportantthing.Soiftherearetwoguyschasingforagirl,thereisnodoubtthattheguywhoownsahousewins.Whataterriblething.
我们要看到这样的事实，今天人们赋予房子太多的情感。有时候他们甚至为房子而结婚，真爱的价值被扭曲，人们不再把爱放在第一位上，他们把房子看成最重要的东西。所以如果两个男孩追一个女孩，毫无疑问，有房子的那个男生赢了。这是多么可怕的事情埃
Onmyopinion,trueloveisnothingwiththehouse,marriageisonthebasisoflove,houseisnotamustforthemarriage.
在我看来，真爱跟房子没有关系，婚姻是在爱的基础上，房子不是婚姻的必需品。
Youareasking,"Isitpossibletobemarriedandtobefree?"
Ifyoutakemarriagenon-seriously,thenyoucanbefree.Ifyoutakeitseriously,thenfreedomisimpossible.Takemarriagejustasagame--itisagame.Havealittlesenseofhumor,thatitisaroleyouareplayingonthestageoflife;butitisnotsomethingthatbelongstoexistenceorhasanyreality--itisafiction.Butpeoplearesostupidthattheyevenstarttakingfictionforreality.Ihaveseenpeoplereadingfictionwithtearsintheireyes,becauseinthefictionthingsaregoingsotragically.Itisaverygooddeviceinthemoviesthattheyputthelightsoff,soeverybodycanenjoythemovie,laugh,cry,besad,behappy.
Iftherewaslightitwouldbealittledifficult--whatwillothersthink?Andtheyknowperfectlywellthatthescreenisempty--thereisnobody;itisjustaprojectedpicture.Buttheyforgetitcompletely.Andthesamehashappenedwithourlives.Manythingswhicharesimplytobetakenhumorously,wetakesoseriously--andfromthatseriousnessbeginsourproblem.Inthefirstplace,whyshouldyougetmarried?Youlovesomeone,livewithsomeone--itispartofyourbasicrights.Youcanlivewithsomeone,youcanlovesomeone.
Marriageisnotsomethingthathappensinheaven,ithappenshere,throughthecraftypriests.Butifyouwanttojointhegamewithsocietyanddon‘twanttostandaloneandaloof,youmakeitcleartoyourwifeortoyourhusbandthatthismarriageisjustagame:"Nevertakeitseriously.IwillremainasindependentasIwasbeforemarriage,andyouwillremainasindependentasyouwerebeforemarriage.NeitherIamgoingtointerfereinyourlife,norareyougoingtointerfereinmylife;wewillliveastwofriendstogether,sharingourjoys,sharingourfreedom--butnotbecomingaburdenoneachother.Andanymomentwefeelthatthespringhaspassed,thehoneymoonisover,wewillbesincereenoughnottogoonpretending,buttosaytoeachotherthatwelovedmuch--andwewillremaingratefultoeachotherforever,andthedaysoflovewillhauntusinourmemories,inourdreams,asgolden--butthespringisover.Ourpathshavecometoapoint,wherealthoughitissad,wehavetopart,becausenow,livingtogetherisnotasignoflove.IfIloveyou,IwillleaveyouthemomentIseemylovehasbecomeamiserytoyou.Ifyouloveme,youwillleavemethemomentyouseethatyourloveiscreatinganimprisonmentforme."
Loveisthehighestvalueinlife:Itshouldnotbereducedtostupidrituals.Andloveandfreedomgotogether--youcannotchooseoneandleavetheother.Amanwhoknowsfreedomisfulloflove,andamanwhoknowsloveisalwayswillingtogivefreedom.Ifyoucannotgivefreedomtothepersonyoulove,towhomcanyougivefreedom?Givingfreedomisnothingbuttrusting.Freedomisanexpressionoflove.Sowhetheryouaremarriedornot,remember,allmarriagesarefake--justsocialconveniences.Theirpurposeisnottoimprisonyouandbindyoutoeachother;theirpurposeistohelpyoutogrowwitheachother.Butgrowthneedsfreedom;andinthepast,allthecultureshaveforgottenthatwithoutfreedom,lovedies.Youseeabirdonthewinginthesun,inthesky,anditlookssobeautiful.Attractedbyitsbeauty,youcancatchthebirdandputitinagoldencage.Doyouthinkitisthesamebird?Superficially,yes,itisthesamebirdwhowasflyinginthesky;butdeepdownitisnotthesamebird--becausewhereisitssky,whereisitsfreedom?
Thisgoldencagemaybevaluabletoyou;itisnotvaluabletothebird.Forthebird,tobefreeintheskyistheonlyvaluablethinginlife.Andthesameistrueabouthumanbeings.
On-campusMarriage
ThereisaheateddiscussionthesedayssinceChineseon-campusstudentsarelegallyallowedtogetmarriedbeforetheycompletetheircourses.Somepeopleapplaudthisnewdevelopmentwhileothershaveexpressedtheirconcernaboutthis.
Ontheonehand,collegestudentswillinevitablyhavelesstimeandenergyfortheiracademiclifebecausemarriedstudentshavemorerealisticproblemstodealwiththanthoseunmarriedones.Ontheotherhand,anumberofstudentsdohaveadesireforanidealmarriage.Theyareoldenoughtotaketheresponsibilityandiftheyhandleitwell,marriagecanbringthemhappinessandasenseofsecurity.
Inmyopinion,itisunnecessarytoforbidon-campusstudentstogetmarried;however,itshouldn'tbeadvocatedorencouraged,either.Thereasonisthat,foron-campusstudents,theirmaintaskistoacquireknowledge.Iftheygetmarried,thefamilychoresmightdistractthemfromstudying,thustheymaynotgraduatefavorablyormaynotbecapableoffutureworks.Ibelievealmostallon-campusstudentswoulddealwiththequestionreasonably.(180words)
isgettingmarriedoneofthekeystoahappylife?a20xxreportfromthepewresearchcentersuggestsso—43percentofmarriedwomenandmenreportedbeing“veryhappy,”whileonly24percentofunmarriedmenandwomensaidthesame.
interestinglyenough,thehappyhalothatshinesovermarriedcouplesisn'ttheresultofhavingkids—thosewithchildrenwerejustaslikelytobehappyasthosewithout.rather,thereseemstobesomethingaboutmarriageitselfthatboostsbothmen'sandwomen'sfeelingsofwell—beinginlife.
“recentresearchsuggeststhatpeoplebecomelessdepressedandlesslonelyaftertheygetmarried,”sayslindawaite,asociologyprofessorattheuniversityofchicagoandauthorofthecaseformarriage.afterall,it'shardertobelonelywhenyou'vegotalovedonetocomehometoeverynight.accordingtowaite,menbenefitevenmorethanwomenfromhavingalife-longcompanion.“womenwilltalktoeveryone,”sayswaite,“butmostmentendtorelyontheirwivesastheirmainconfidant.”inaddition,women-typicallythesocialplannersinarelationship—ensurethatthemenstayconnectedtofamilyandfriends,anothersourceofhappiness.
andwhataboutallthatnaggingthatwivesaresofamousfor?turnsoutitpaysoff.menwhoaremarrieddrinkless,smokeless,eatbetter,getmoresleep,andengageinlessriskybehaviorthantheirunmarriedpeers.theendresult:marriedmenarehealthier,andsincehealthislinkedtohappiness,they'rehappiertoo.
ThereisaheateddiscussionthesedayssinceChineseon-campusstudentsarelegallyallowedtogetmarriedbeforetheycompletetheircourses.Somepeopleapplaudthisnewdevelopmentwhileothershaveexpressedtheirconcernaboutthis.
Ontheonehand,collegestudentswillinevitablyhavelesstimeandenergyfortheiracademiclifebecausemarriedstudentshavemorerealisticproblemstodealwiththanthoseunmarriedones.Ontheotherhand,anumberofstudentsdohaveadesireforanidealmarriage.Theyareoldenoughtotaketheresponsibilityandiftheyhandleitwell,marriagecanbringthemhappinessandasenseofsecurity.
Inmyopinion,itisunnecessarytoforbidon-campusstudentstogetmarried;however,itshouldn'tbeadvocatedorencouraged,either.Thereasonisthat,foron-campusstudents,theirmaintaskistoacquireknowledge.Iftheygetmarried,thefamilychoresmightdistractthemfromstudying,thustheymaynotgraduatefavorablyormaynotbecapableoffutureworks.Ibelievealmostallon-campusstudentswoulddealwiththequestionreasonably.
Whenitcomestolatermarriage,people’sopinionsvaryenormously.Weknowthatasagraduatestudent,latermarriagewouldbeaproblemforusafterwegraduated,especiallygirls.
Ourattitudetowardslatermarriagebecomesgraduallyrationalandmature.Weknowthatloveisnotjustholdinghandsandwalkingdownthestreet,MarriageishowLovecanmakepeoplebecomealtruistic.Frommyperspective,itisimmaturitythatleadstothisphenomenon.Firstlyyoungadultsarenotfinanciallypreparedtohastenintomarriage.Theeconomicburdenwilllikelyputastrainontothecouple'srelationship,leadingpossiblytobreaches,orworse,separation.Secondlyyoungadultshavenotattainedthelevelofmaturitytoraisechildren.Theyareoftenunawareoftheresponsibilitiesandsacrificesthatoneneedstomakeinordertostartafamilyofone'sown.Thirdlystatisticsaregoodindicatorsfortheinstabilityandshortlifespansofprematuremarriages.OnlyOnlyinthiswaycanweembraceahappyandbrilliantfuture.
Differentpeoplehavevariousviewpointstowardmarriagecausetheyhavedifferentrolesandstands.QianZhongshu,aneminentwriterwhoprefaceshisbookASurroundedCitywith‘Marriageisasurroundedcitywhichpeopleencircledwanttofleefromwhilethosewhostandoutthecityareeagertostepinto’.However,JaneAustenstartedherbookPrideandPrejudicewith‘Itisatruthuniversally
acknowledgedthatasinglemaninpossessionofagoodfortunemustbeinwantofawife’.
Inmypointofview,marriageisawarmharbourinwhichwecanseekshelter,itisalsoadestinationofourlifevoyageafterweleaveparents’homeorwearenolongerundertheprotectionofourparents.
Sowemustchoosemarriagecautiouslyandthentryourbesttomakeaperfectplacewherewecanlivehappilywithanotherperson.However,wecan’tmanageitonourownwithoutcooperatingwithhim.Inotherwords,choosingamarriagemeanschoosingapersontolivewith.Inconsequence,weshouldchoosethehusbandcautiously.
Asforme,first,myhusbandmustshowhisparentsfilialobedience.Parentsarethosewholoveusbest.HowdareweexpecthelovesusifapersoneventreatshisparentsillIbelievethereisloveexistingbetweenmanandwoman,whileIbelieveinthe
emotionwhichcanbedevelopedafterlivingtogetheralongtimeinmarriage.Amancanfallinlovewithhiswifemomentarily,butonlywhenheregardshiswifeasarealfamilymembercanhislovelastslonger.Seldomamancanendurethemarriagewithawomanwhenheisnotloveheranymoreorevenhateher.However,thereisenoughspaceformanoeuversifamantreathiswifeasanindispensablefamilymember.Second,ahusbandshouldhavestrongresponsibilities.Amanwithstrong
responsibilitiesisreliable.Ononehand,hewillworkhardtomakeushappy.Ontheotherhand,hemaydonotanythingthatwillhurthiswife.Maybe,mostofthemenarefondofthenewandtiredoftheold,butamanwhohasstrongresponsibilitieswillmakehismindratherhisemotioncontrolhisbehaviour.
Lastbutnotleast,ahusbandshouldhavesimilaroutlookonlifeandvaluewithhiswife.Becauseitisahorriblethingtoliveanentirelifewithapersonwhomwehavenothingtotalkwith.
NowlettalkabouttheprotagnistsintheNettle.Totellthetruth,Idon’tlikethewomaninit.Idon’tblameherforleavingapersonwhomshedoesn’twanttolivewith.Idoblameherforleavingherfamily.Shejustmovesoutandalmostkeepsnoconnectionwithherhusband.Theycangettogethertocopewiththeir
marriage.Thoughtheirmarriageistoofargone,theycanstillbegoodfriends.AndalsoIhatethatshehopeanaffairwithMike.MuchasshelovesMike,sheshouldn’tbreakawholefamilyatanotherpoorwoman’scost.ShecantakeMikeasaclosefriendorabrotherwhomcanexchangelifeandworkexperience.
Fortunately,theydon’tlosetheirmindanddosomethingthatwillhurtothers.Ofcourseitisapitythattheydon’tmeeteachotheranymore.
LifeisfullofconfusinganddisorderingParticulartime,aparticularlocation,Dothearrangedthingoftenmilliontimeinthebrain,Stepbystep,thelifeishardtoavoiddelicacyandstiffnessNoenthusiasmforever,NounexpectedhappeningofsurprisingandpleasingSo,onlysilentlyaskmyselfinmindNexthappiness,whenwillcome?
人生的纷纷扰扰，杂杂乱乱，在一个特定的时间，特定的地点，做脑海中安排了千万遍的事，一步一骤，人生难免精致，却也死板，永远没有激情，没有意料之外的惊喜。于是，也只有在心里默默地问：下一班幸福，几点开？
Whenourfamilyrelationship,friendship,loveandpersonalrelationshipbecamefourcupsdifferentthickandSubtletea,Atpushacuptochange,alwayshaveabsentmindedhesitation:Whichonearthcupthatissupposedtobefirstdegustedinthebesttastetime,whichfinalcup?Thenthedifferentpersonalwayshaveadifferentchoice.Bigcustomsunderofthesmallcustomsisalwaysnotallowed,sticktoafinaltwist,alwayswishtoobtainanadditionalhappiness
当我们的亲情、友情、爱情和私情变成了四杯浓淡不一的茶，在推杯换盏间，总有恍惚的迟疑：究竟哪一杯该在味道最好的时候先品，哪一杯该排到最后呢？然后不同的人总有不同的选择。大世俗下的小世俗总是不被允许，坚持到最后，总会获得一份额外的幸福。
Darklight,justlighteachother.Theresponsibilitythatyouandmyshoulderstaketogether,thesuchasonedustcoversup.AfraidonlyafraidthelightissuddenlyputoutintheendlessdarknightandCountlessloneliness
暗黄的灯光，仅仅也只能照射过彼此。你、我肩上共同担当的责任，犹如一片灰尘遮掩。怕只怕灯丝的突然熄灭在这无尽的黑夜.数不尽的孤单
Alwaysinsisting.Useironscoopistoocold;Useporcelainscoopistooweak;Awoodscoop,engravedveinssafely,engravedsky’swastelandandglebe’sold.Justashappinessbornintheyears,notinsolent,theeveryactandmovebloomsquietly
一直坚持着。用铁勺太冰冷；用瓷勺又太脆弱；一只只木勺，刻出了纹理安然，刻出了天荒地老。一如岁月中隐忍着的.幸福，不张狂，举手投足间悄然绽放
Hopeisalwaysmoreexpect,engraveaboneisafatlotlookedClearcantouch,justdontknowwhereendis.Cannotfindtocometotheroadofhour,justbecauseofeyingfoottooverycarefully.
希望总是多过盼望，刻骨而又络络可见，清晰可触，只是不知道终结在哪儿。找不到来时的路，只是因为太小心翼翼的注视脚下。
ThenthewanderingsoulwildcranestandsstillthememoryriverListentowhistleplaytightlyringslowly,Waterrisesashiptogomediumlongthingsofthepast.Waitforaship’spersonWaitforoneandother,ButhesitatealwaysshouldascendwhichshipMissedHadtoconsignthehopetonexttime,Finallywhattowaitforuntilhasnoboatsandshipstocomeandgo,Sunsetwest.
再孤魂野鹤的伫立记忆河头，听着哨子的紧奏慢响，水涨船行中的悠悠往事。等船的人儿，等了一班又一班，却始终犹豫着该登哪一只。错过的，只好把希望寄托到了下一回，终究等到的是没有船只的过往，日落西头。
Sixwordsreallytalktosolveeachroundtoreturntobitterness.Heartoflotusopens,bodysideofgenialbreezeswalks.Constantly,onlyonepondwater.Ripplebuthavenolanguage,guardedhappinessofthispond.Thisisfromcradletothegraveonealifetime
六字真言解每一个轮回苦。心头荷花开，身畔暖风走。不变的，只有那一池水。荡漾而无语，守住了这一池的幸福。这就是一生一世
Happinessissomuchsimple,onyourcenterofpalm,amatchahandcangrasp;Happinessisalsoverydifficult,beforeyourheel,AthousandmountainsandriversbutblunderawaybecauseofDoingnotturnahead
幸福好简单，就在你手心上，一合手就能握住；幸福又好难，就在你脚跟前，千山万水却因没有转头而错失
Neverbelieve,nextwillbebetter,Blunderaway,neverrepairreturnofregret.Evenmetthegodofshininginadream,Neverask:"Nexthappiness,whenwillcome?"
千万不要相信，下一个会更好，错失了，就是补不回的遗憾。即使在梦中，遇见了那熠熠的神明，也永远不要问：“下一班幸福，几点开？"
美文赏析:Thesecretstohappiness通往幸福的秘密
我们一直在寻找，寻找幸福的密码，走上幸福的阶梯，开启幸福的大门。可是，什么是幸福呢？是腰缠万贯？众星捧月？还是平平淡淡才是真？就让我们一起来解读幸福的秘密吧。