Youareasking,"Isitpossibletobemarriedandtobefree?"
Ifyoutakemarriagenon-seriously,thenyoucanbefree.Ifyoutakeitseriously,thenfreedomisimpossible.Takemarriagejustasagame--itisagame.Havealittlesenseofhumor,thatitisaroleyouareplayingonthestageoflife;butitisnotsomethingthatbelongstoexistenceorhasanyreality--itisafiction.Butpeoplearesostupidthattheyevenstarttakingfictionforreality.Ihaveseenpeoplereadingfictionwithtearsintheireyes,becauseinthefictionthingsaregoingsotragically.Itisaverygooddeviceinthemoviesthattheyputthelightsoff,soeverybodycanenjoythemovie,laugh,cry,besad,behappy.
Iftherewaslightitwouldbealittledifficult--whatwillothersthink?Andtheyknowperfectlywellthatthescreenisempty--thereisnobody;itisjustaprojectedpicture.Buttheyforgetitcompletely.Andthesamehashappenedwithourlives.Manythingswhicharesimplytobetakenhumorously,wetakesoseriously--andfromthatseriousnessbeginsourproblem.Inthefirstplace,whyshouldyougetmarried?Youlovesomeone,livewithsomeone--itispartofyourbasicrights.Youcanlivewithsomeone,youcanlovesomeone.
Marriageisnotsomethingthathappensinheaven,ithappenshere,throughthecraftypriests.Butifyouwanttojointhegamewithsocietyanddon‘twanttostandaloneandaloof,youmakeitcleartoyourwifeortoyourhusbandthatthismarriageisjustagame:"Nevertakeitseriously.IwillremainasindependentasIwasbeforemarriage,andyouwillremainasindependentasyouwerebeforemarriage.NeitherIamgoingtointerfereinyourlife,norareyougoingtointerfereinmylife;wewillliveastwofriendstogether,sharingourjoys,sharingourfreedom--butnotbecomingaburdenoneachother.Andanymomentwefeelthatthespringhaspassed,thehoneymoonisover,wewillbesincereenoughnottogoonpretending,buttosaytoeachotherthatwelovedmuch--andwewillremaingratefultoeachotherforever,andthedaysoflovewillhauntusinourmemories,inourdreams,asgolden--butthespringisover.Ourpathshavecometoapoint,wherealthoughitissad,wehavetopart,becausenow,livingtogetherisnotasignoflove.IfIloveyou,IwillleaveyouthemomentIseemylovehasbecomeamiserytoyou.Ifyouloveme,youwillleavemethemomentyouseethatyourloveiscreatinganimprisonmentforme."
Loveisthehighestvalueinlife:Itshouldnotbereducedtostupidrituals.Andloveandfreedomgotogether--youcannotchooseoneandleavetheother.Amanwhoknowsfreedomisfulloflove,andamanwhoknowsloveisalwayswillingtogivefreedom.Ifyoucannotgivefreedomtothepersonyoulove,towhomcanyougivefreedom?Givingfreedomisnothingbuttrusting.Freedomisanexpressionoflove.Sowhetheryouaremarriedornot,remember,allmarriagesarefake--justsocialconveniences.Theirpurposeisnottoimprisonyouandbindyoutoeachother;theirpurposeistohelpyoutogrowwitheachother.Butgrowthneedsfreedom;andinthepast,allthecultureshaveforgottenthatwithoutfreedom,lovedies.Youseeabirdonthewinginthesun,inthesky,anditlookssobeautiful.Attractedbyitsbeauty,youcancatchthebirdandputitinagoldencage.Doyouthinkitisthesamebird?Superficially,yes,itisthesamebirdwhowasflyinginthesky;butdeepdownitisnotthesamebird--becausewhereisitssky,whereisitsfreedom?
Thisgoldencagemaybevaluabletoyou;itisnotvaluabletothebird.Forthebird,tobefreeintheskyistheonlyvaluablethinginlife.Andthesameistrueabouthumanbeings.
ThereisaheateddiscussionthesedayssinceChineseon-campusstudentsarelegallyallowedtogetmarriedbeforetheycompletetheircourses.Somepeopleapplaudthisnewdevelopmentwhileothershaveexpressedtheirconcernaboutthis.
Ontheonehand,collegestudentswillinevitablyhavelesstimeandenergyfortheiracademiclifebecausemarriedstudentshavemorerealisticproblemstodealwiththanthoseunmarriedones.Ontheotherhand,anumberofstudentsdohaveadesireforanidealmarriage.Theyareoldenoughtotaketheresponsibilityandiftheyhandleitwell,marriagecanbringthemhappinessandasenseofsecurity.
Inmyopinion,itisunnecessarytoforbidon-campusstudentstogetmarried;however,itshouldn'tbeadvocatedorencouraged,either.Thereasonisthat,foron-campusstudents,theirmaintaskistoacquireknowledge.Iftheygetmarried,thefamilychoresmightdistractthemfromstudying,thustheymaynotgraduatefavorablyormaynotbecapableoffutureworks.Ibelievealmostallon-campusstudentswoulddealwiththequestionreasonably.
isgettingmarriedoneofthekeystoahappylife?a20xxreportfromthepewresearchcentersuggestsso—43percentofmarriedwomenandmenreportedbeing“veryhappy,”whileonly24percentofunmarriedmenandwomensaidthesame.
interestinglyenough,thehappyhalothatshinesovermarriedcouplesisn'ttheresultofhavingkids—thosewithchildrenwerejustaslikelytobehappyasthosewithout.rather,thereseemstobesomethingaboutmarriageitselfthatboostsbothmen'sandwomen'sfeelingsofwell—beinginlife.
“recentresearchsuggeststhatpeoplebecomelessdepressedandlesslonelyaftertheygetmarried,”sayslindawaite,asociologyprofessorattheuniversityofchicagoandauthorofthecaseformarriage.afterall,it'shardertobelonelywhenyou'vegotalovedonetocomehometoeverynight.accordingtowaite,menbenefitevenmorethanwomenfromhavingalife-longcompanion.“womenwilltalktoeveryone,”sayswaite,“butmostmentendtorelyontheirwivesastheirmainconfidant.”inaddition,women-typicallythesocialplannersinarelationship—ensurethatthemenstayconnectedtofamilyandfriends,anothersourceofhappiness.
andwhataboutallthatnaggingthatwivesaresofamousfor?turnsoutitpaysoff.menwhoaremarrieddrinkless,smokeless,eatbetter,getmoresleep,andengageinlessriskybehaviorthantheirunmarriedpeers.theendresult:marriedmenarehealthier,andsincehealthislinkedtohappiness,they'rehappiertoo.
successfulmarriageisthemosteffectiveformofsocialsupport.itrelievestheeffectsofstress,andleadstobettermentalandphysicalhealth.husbandsseemtobenefitmuchmorefrommarriagethenwivesdo.
marriedwomenareinbetterphysicalandmentalhealth,andarehappierthansinglewomen,buttheseeffectsarenearlytwiceasgreatformen.variouseplanationshavebeenconsidered,butthemostplausibleisthatwivesprovidemoresocialsupportthanhusbands.perhapsmenneeditmore?
theyaremoreeposedtostressesatwork,andhaveworsehealthanddieearlierthenwomen.inaddition,whenwomengetmarried,theirwayoflifeissubjecttomuchgreaterchangeandthisoftenleadstoboringandisolatedworkinthehomeforwhichtheyareill-prepared.despitethebenefitsofmarriagewomenfinditstressfulandinbettershapeiftheyalsohavejobs,theirearningsandstatusincreasetheirpowerinthehome,andtheymayalsogetsocialsupportatwork.
Whenitcomestolatermarriage,people’sopinionsvaryenormously.Weknowthatasagraduatestudent,latermarriagewouldbeaproblemforusafterwegraduated,especiallygirls.
Ourattitudetowardslatermarriagebecomesgraduallyrationalandmature.Weknowthatloveisnotjustholdinghandsandwalkingdownthestreet,MarriageishowLovecanmakepeoplebecomealtruistic.Frommyperspective,itisimmaturitythatleadstothisphenomenon.Firstlyyoungadultsarenotfinanciallypreparedtohastenintomarriage.Theeconomicburdenwilllikelyputastrainontothecouple'srelationship,leadingpossiblytobreaches,orworse,separation.Secondlyyoungadultshavenotattainedthelevelofmaturitytoraisechildren.Theyareoftenunawareoftheresponsibilitiesandsacrificesthatoneneedstomakeinordertostartafamilyofone'sown.Thirdlystatisticsaregoodindicatorsfortheinstabilityandshortlifespansofprematuremarriages.OnlyOnlyinthiswaycanweembraceahappyandbrilliantfuture.
Inthisfunny,casualtalkfromTEDx,writerJennaMcCarthysharessurprisingresearchonhowmarriages(especiallyhappymarriages)reallywork.Inmyopinion,marriageismorethanjustaringonyourfinger,it’sabondbetweentwopeoplethatshouldgrowovertimeandaddvaluetoyourlife.
IsmarriageindispensabletopersonsoftherightageAfterwatchingthespeech,myanswerisabsolutelyYES.Responsibilitiesalwayscomeswithrightsduringmarriageinwhich,Ithink,thebenefitplayadominantrole.Marriageisanintimateandenduringrelationshipthatgrowsovertimeandmakesyouabetterperson.Also,marriageislinkedtohealthandeconomicbenefits.Accordingtothevideo,marriedindividualstendtohavebetterphysicalhealth,psychologicalwell-being,andalowermortalityrisk.Financially,marriedmentendtoearnmore,andmarriedwomenarelesslikelytofallintopoverty.Marriageisalsolinkedtogreaterwealthaccumulation.
Marriageisthejoiningoftwopeopleinabondthatputativelylastsuntildeath,butinpracticeisincreasinglycutshortbydivorce.wemaywanderhowtomaintainahappymarriageThespeechgivensomeanswerstosomedegree.Fistofall,youshouldclearwhymarriagematterstoyouandwhyyouarewilingtospendtherestofyourlifemakingtherelationshipapriority.What’more,thecentralpointofthesuggestionsgivenbyJennaMcCarthy,eg.keepingyourselfmoreattractiveandthinnerthanyourhusband,focusingonthepositives/praise-worthymoments,ischerish,givingandrespect.Also,divorceiscontagiouscontagious.Sowehavetobeintentionaltoplaceourselvesinthecompanyofthosewhoarestrivingtomakemarriagebetter.
Buildingastrongandintimatemarriagestartsfromwithinyourself,andthenbecomesabondbetweenyouandyourpartnerthatlastsalifetime.Toconclude,Iagreehighlywiththespeaker’sviewpoint:whetheryou'reinitoryou'researchingforit,marriageisaninstitutionworthpursuingandprotecting.