Youareasking,"Isitpossibletobemarriedandtobefree?"
Ifyoutakemarriagenon-seriously,thenyoucanbefree.Ifyoutakeitseriously,thenfreedomisimpossible.Takemarriagejustasagame--itisagame.Havealittlesenseofhumor,thatitisaroleyouareplayingonthestageoflife;butitisnotsomethingthatbelongstoexistenceorhasanyreality--itisafiction.Butpeoplearesostupidthattheyevenstarttakingfictionforreality.Ihaveseenpeoplereadingfictionwithtearsintheireyes,becauseinthefictionthingsaregoingsotragically.Itisaverygooddeviceinthemoviesthattheyputthelightsoff,soeverybodycanenjoythemovie,laugh,cry,besad,behappy.
Iftherewaslightitwouldbealittledifficult--whatwillothersthink?Andtheyknowperfectlywellthatthescreenisempty--thereisnobody;itisjustaprojectedpicture.Buttheyforgetitcompletely.Andthesamehashappenedwithourlives.Manythingswhicharesimplytobetakenhumorously,wetakesoseriously--andfromthatseriousnessbeginsourproblem.Inthefirstplace,whyshouldyougetmarried?Youlovesomeone,livewithsomeone--itispartofyourbasicrights.Youcanlivewithsomeone,youcanlovesomeone.
Marriageisnotsomethingthathappensinheaven,ithappenshere,throughthecraftypriests.Butifyouwanttojointhegamewithsocietyanddon‘twanttostandaloneandaloof,youmakeitcleartoyourwifeortoyourhusbandthatthismarriageisjustagame:"Nevertakeitseriously.IwillremainasindependentasIwasbeforemarriage,andyouwillremainasindependentasyouwerebeforemarriage.NeitherIamgoingtointerfereinyourlife,norareyougoingtointerfereinmylife;wewillliveastwofriendstogether,sharingourjoys,sharingourfreedom--butnotbecomingaburdenoneachother.Andanymomentwefeelthatthespringhaspassed,thehoneymoonisover,wewillbesincereenoughnottogoonpretending,buttosaytoeachotherthatwelovedmuch--andwewillremaingratefultoeachotherforever,andthedaysoflovewillhauntusinourmemories,inourdreams,asgolden--butthespringisover.Ourpathshavecometoapoint,wherealthoughitissad,wehavetopart,becausenow,livingtogetherisnotasignoflove.IfIloveyou,IwillleaveyouthemomentIseemylovehasbecomeamiserytoyou.Ifyouloveme,youwillleavemethemomentyouseethatyourloveiscreatinganimprisonmentforme."
Loveisthehighestvalueinlife:Itshouldnotbereducedtostupidrituals.Andloveandfreedomgotogether--youcannotchooseoneandleavetheother.Amanwhoknowsfreedomisfulloflove,andamanwhoknowsloveisalwayswillingtogivefreedom.Ifyoucannotgivefreedomtothepersonyoulove,towhomcanyougivefreedom?Givingfreedomisnothingbuttrusting.Freedomisanexpressionoflove.Sowhetheryouaremarriedornot,remember,allmarriagesarefake--justsocialconveniences.Theirpurposeisnottoimprisonyouandbindyoutoeachother;theirpurposeistohelpyoutogrowwitheachother.Butgrowthneedsfreedom;andinthepast,allthecultureshaveforgottenthatwithoutfreedom,lovedies.Youseeabirdonthewinginthesun,inthesky,anditlookssobeautiful.Attractedbyitsbeauty,youcancatchthebirdandputitinagoldencage.Doyouthinkitisthesamebird?Superficially,yes,itisthesamebirdwhowasflyinginthesky;butdeepdownitisnotthesamebird--becausewhereisitssky,whereisitsfreedom?
Thisgoldencagemaybevaluabletoyou;itisnotvaluabletothebird.Forthebird,tobefreeintheskyistheonlyvaluablethinginlife.Andthesameistrueabouthumanbeings.
Differentpeoplehavevariousviewpointstowardmarriagecausetheyhavedifferentrolesandstands.QianZhongshu,aneminentwriterwhoprefaceshisbookASurroundedCitywith‘Marriageisasurroundedcitywhichpeopleencircledwanttofleefromwhilethosewhostandoutthecityareeagertostepinto’.However,JaneAustenstartedherbookPrideandPrejudicewith‘Itisatruthuniversally
acknowledgedthatasinglemaninpossessionofagoodfortunemustbeinwantofawife’.
Inmypointofview,marriageisawarmharbourinwhichwecanseekshelter,itisalsoadestinationofourlifevoyageafterweleaveparents’homeorwearenolongerundertheprotectionofourparents.
Sowemustchoosemarriagecautiouslyandthentryourbesttomakeaperfectplacewherewecanlivehappilywithanotherperson.However,wecan’tmanageitonourownwithoutcooperatingwithhim.Inotherwords,choosingamarriagemeanschoosingapersontolivewith.Inconsequence,weshouldchoosethehusbandcautiously.
Asforme,first,myhusbandmustshowhisparentsfilialobedience.Parentsarethosewholoveusbest.HowdareweexpecthelovesusifapersoneventreatshisparentsillIbelievethereisloveexistingbetweenmanandwoman,whileIbelieveinthe
emotionwhichcanbedevelopedafterlivingtogetheralongtimeinmarriage.Amancanfallinlovewithhiswifemomentarily,butonlywhenheregardshiswifeasarealfamilymembercanhislovelastslonger.Seldomamancanendurethemarriagewithawomanwhenheisnotloveheranymoreorevenhateher.However,thereisenoughspaceformanoeuversifamantreathiswifeasanindispensablefamilymember.Second,ahusbandshouldhavestrongresponsibilities.Amanwithstrong
responsibilitiesisreliable.Ononehand,hewillworkhardtomakeushappy.Ontheotherhand,hemaydonotanythingthatwillhurthiswife.Maybe,mostofthemenarefondofthenewandtiredoftheold,butamanwhohasstrongresponsibilitieswillmakehismindratherhisemotioncontrolhisbehaviour.
Lastbutnotleast,ahusbandshouldhavesimilaroutlookonlifeandvaluewithhiswife.Becauseitisahorriblethingtoliveanentirelifewithapersonwhomwehavenothingtotalkwith.
NowlettalkabouttheprotagnistsintheNettle.Totellthetruth,Idon’tlikethewomaninit.Idon’tblameherforleavingapersonwhomshedoesn’twanttolivewith.Idoblameherforleavingherfamily.Shejustmovesoutandalmostkeepsnoconnectionwithherhusband.Theycangettogethertocopewiththeir
marriage.Thoughtheirmarriageistoofargone,theycanstillbegoodfriends.AndalsoIhatethatshehopeanaffairwithMike.MuchasshelovesMike,sheshouldn’tbreakawholefamilyatanotherpoorwoman’scost.ShecantakeMikeasaclosefriendorabrotherwhomcanexchangelifeandworkexperience.
Fortunately,theydon’tlosetheirmindanddosomethingthatwillhurtothers.Ofcourseitisapitythattheydon’tmeeteachotheranymore.
Amanandhisgirlfriendweremarried.Itwasalargecelebration.
Alloftheirfriendsandfamilycametoseethelovelyceremonyandtopartakeofthefestivitiesandcelebrations.Allhadawonderfultime.
Thebridewasgorgeousinherwhiteweddinggownandthegroomwasverydashinginhisblacktuxedo.Everyonecouldtellthatthelovetheyhadforeachotherwastrue.
Afewmonthslater,thewifecametothehusbandwithaproposal,"Ireadinamagazine,awhileago,abouthowwecanstrengthenourmarriage,"sheoffered."Eachofuswillwritealistofthethingsthatwefindabitannoyingwiththeotherperson.Then,wecantalkabouthowwecanfixthemtogetherandmakeourliveshappiertogether."
Thehusbandagreed.Soeachofthemwenttoaseparateroominthehouseandthoughtofthethingsthatannoyedthemabouttheother.Theythoughtaboutthisquestionfortherestofthedayandwrotedownwhattheycameupwith.
Thenextmorning,atthebreakfasttable,theydecidedthattheywouldgoovertheirlists.
"I'llstart,"offeredthewife.Shetookoutherlist.Ithadmanyitemsonit,enoughtofill3pages.Infact,asshestartedreadingthelistofthelittleannoyances,shenoticedthattearswerestartingtoappearinherhusband'seyes.
"What'swrong?"sheasked."Nothing,"thehusbandreplied,"keepreadingyourlist."
Thewifecontinuedtoreaduntilshehadreadallthreepagestoherhusband.Sheneatlyplacedherlistonthetableandfoldedherhandsoverthetopofit.
"Now,youreadyourlistandthenwe'lltalkaboutthethingsonbothofourlists,"shesaidhappily.
Quietlythehusbandstated,"Idon'thaveanythingonmylist.Ithinkthatyouareperfectthewaythatyouare.Idon'twantyoutochangeanythingforme.YouarelovelyandwonderfulandIwouldn'twanttotryandchangeanythingaboutyou."
Thewife,touchedbyhishonestyandthedepthofhisloveforherandhisacceptanceofher,turnedherheadandwept.
Inlife,thereareenoughtimeswhenwearedisappointed,depressedandannoyed.Wedon'treallyhavetogolookingforthem.Wehaveawonderfulworldthatisfullofbeauty,lightandpromise.Whywastetimeinthisworldlookingforthebad,disappointingorannoyingwhenwecanlookaroundus,andseethewondrousthingsbeforeus?
一个男人和他的女朋友结婚，举行了一场盛大的结婚庆典。
所有的朋友和家人都来到结婚典礼上参加欢宴和庆祝活动。大家都过得很开心。
穿着白色婚纱的新娘漂亮迷人，穿着黑色礼服的新郎英俊潇洒。每个人都能看出他们彼此的爱是真诚的。
几个月后，妻子走近丈夫提议说：“我刚才在杂志上看到一篇文章，说的是怎样巩固婚姻。”她说：“我们两个人都各自把对方的小毛病列在一张纸上，然后我们商量一下怎样解决，以便使我们的生活更幸福。”
丈夫同意了。于是他们各自走向不同的房间去想对方的缺点。那一天余下的时间里，他们都在思考这个问题，并且把他们想到的都写下来。
第二天早上，吃早饭的时候，他们决定谈谈彼此的缺点。
“我先开始吧。”妻子说。她拿出她的单子，上面列举了很多条，事实上，足足写满了三页。当她开始念的时候，她注意到丈夫眼里含着泪花。
“怎么啦?”她问。“没什么，”丈夫答道，“继续念吧。”
妻子又接着念。整整三页都念完之后她把单子整齐地放在桌上，两手交叉放在上面。
“现在该你念了，然后我们谈谈所列举的缺点。”她高兴地说。
丈夫平静地说：“我什么也没写，我觉得像你这样就很完美了，我不想让你为我改变什么。你很可爱迷人，我不想让你改变。”
妻子被丈夫的诚实和对她深深的爱和接纳感动了，她转过头去哭起来。
生命中我们有很多的.失望、沮丧和烦恼，我们根本不需要寻找。我们美妙的世界充满了美丽、光明、希望。但是，当我们放眼四周时，为什么浪费时间寻找不快、失望和烦恼，而看不到我们面前的美好事物呢？
美文赏析:幸福就是投入
姜太公钓鱼——愿者上钩。幸福是什么？仁者见仁吧。真正的幸福或许就是没有目的的投入，知足常乐哦。
幸福就是投入
Underthescorchingsun,anoldmansatbythebankstaringatthebuoyontheriver.Fromdawntoduskhestillgotnothinginhishands.However,theoldmanwashappyatease.Ifeltsopuzzledaboutit.
Theoldmansaidwithasmile，”I’mthefishandthefishisme,I’mfishingandI’malsobeingfished;likeplayingchess,thefishandIhavesuchanequalstaminathatIhaveawonderfultime.”Atthispoint,anurchinthrewastoneintothewater.Acircleofrippleswaftedover.Theoldmansaid,“Thewindrises.”
Lifeisachessgamewhilehappinessisdevotion.
烈日下，一老翁坐在岸边，两眼一动不动的盯着河面的浮标，从日出到日落，依然两手空空，老翁却怡然自得，乐在其中。我很是纳闷。老翁笑着说：“我即鱼，鱼即我，我在钓鱼，鱼也在钓我，就像下棋，我和鱼的耐力旗鼓相当，这才过瘾.”一顽童向水中扔一块石头，一阵波纹飘荡过来，老翁曰：“起风了。”人生就是一盘棋，而幸福就是投入。
美文赏析:Nexthappiness,whenwillcome？下一班幸福，几点开？
下一站会更幸福吗？没有人知道。那只是我们美好的愿望而已。如果这一刻感觉是对的，请珍惜。把握现在远比憧憬未来更实际。
Whenitcomestolatermarriage,people’sopinionsvaryenormously.Weknowthatasagraduatestudent,latermarriagewouldbeaproblemforusafterwegraduated,especiallygirls.
Ourattitudetowardslatermarriagebecomesgraduallyrationalandmature.Weknowthatloveisnotjustholdinghandsandwalkingdownthestreet,MarriageishowLovecanmakepeoplebecomealtruistic.Frommyperspective,itisimmaturitythatleadstothisphenomenon.Firstlyyoungadultsarenotfinanciallypreparedtohastenintomarriage.Theeconomicburdenwilllikelyputastrainontothecouple'srelationship,leadingpossiblytobreaches,orworse,separation.Secondlyyoungadultshavenotattainedthelevelofmaturitytoraisechildren.Theyareoftenunawareoftheresponsibilitiesandsacrificesthatoneneedstomakeinordertostartafamilyofone'sown.Thirdlystatisticsaregoodindicatorsfortheinstabilityandshortlifespansofprematuremarriages.OnlyOnlyinthiswaycanweembraceahappyandbrilliantfuture.
Nowadays，whenacouplegetmarried,thefirsttheydoistogetenoughmoneytobuyahouse.InChina,itseemsthatmarriagemeanshavingahouse,itisreportedthatanewlymarriedcouplegotdivorcedbecausetheirparentsdidn’tfigureoutthelegalnameofthehouse.Doesmarriagemustpluswithhouse,Idon’tthinkso.
现在，当一对情侣结婚，他们第一件事就是凑够钱去买房子。在中国，婚姻似乎意味着房子，据报道，一对新婚夫妇离婚，原因在于他们的父母弄不清谁是房子的合法人。婚姻必须加上房子吗？我不这样认为。
Itiscommonthatwhenpeoplegetmarriedthattheymustendowwithahouse,itisbecausehousebringsthecouplethesenseofsecure.Havingahousemeanstheyaresettled,eventheyarefiredfromthework,theydon’thavetoworryaboutwheretolive.Peopleowntheirsenseofsecuretothehouse.Marriagebringssenseofsecure,too,sopeoplethinkahouseisamust.
当人们结婚，他们必须要有房子，这是很正常的，这因为房子给夫妇带来安全感。有房子意味着他们安定，即使工作上被开除，也不用担心住哪里。人们有他们的安全感归因于房子。婚姻也带来安全感，所以人们觉得房子是必须的。
Weseethetruethattodaypeopleendowthehousewithtoomuchemotion.Sometimetheyevenmarryforthehouse,thevalueoftrueloveisbeingdistorted,peoplenomoreputtheloveinthefirstplace,theyconsiderthehousethemostimportantthing.Soiftherearetwoguyschasingforagirl,thereisnodoubtthattheguywhoownsahousewins.Whataterriblething.
我们要看到这样的事实，今天人们赋予房子太多的情感。有时候他们甚至为房子而结婚，真爱的价值被扭曲，人们不再把爱放在第一位上，他们把房子看成最重要的东西。所以如果两个男孩追一个女孩，毫无疑问，有房子的那个男生赢了。这是多么可怕的事情埃
Onmyopinion,trueloveisnothingwiththehouse,marriageisonthebasisoflove,houseisnotamustforthemarriage.
在我看来，真爱跟房子没有关系，婚姻是在爱的基础上，房子不是婚姻的必需品。
isgettingmarriedoneofthekeystoahappylife?a20xxreportfromthepewresearchcentersuggestsso—43percentofmarriedwomenandmenreportedbeing“veryhappy,”whileonly24percentofunmarriedmenandwomensaidthesame.
interestinglyenough,thehappyhalothatshinesovermarriedcouplesisn'ttheresultofhavingkids—thosewithchildrenwerejustaslikelytobehappyasthosewithout.rather,thereseemstobesomethingaboutmarriageitselfthatboostsbothmen'sandwomen'sfeelingsofwell—beinginlife.
“recentresearchsuggeststhatpeoplebecomelessdepressedandlesslonelyaftertheygetmarried,”sayslindawaite,asociologyprofessorattheuniversityofchicagoandauthorofthecaseformarriage.afterall,it'shardertobelonelywhenyou'vegotalovedonetocomehometoeverynight.accordingtowaite,menbenefitevenmorethanwomenfromhavingalife-longcompanion.“womenwilltalktoeveryone,”sayswaite,“butmostmentendtorelyontheirwivesastheirmainconfidant.”inaddition,women-typicallythesocialplannersinarelationship—ensurethatthemenstayconnectedtofamilyandfriends,anothersourceofhappiness.
andwhataboutallthatnaggingthatwivesaresofamousfor?turnsoutitpaysoff.menwhoaremarrieddrinkless,smokeless,eatbetter,getmoresleep,andengageinlessriskybehaviorthantheirunmarriedpeers.theendresult:marriedmenarehealthier,andsincehealthislinkedtohappiness,they'rehappiertoo.